The Random Penguins

Good morning. Please, have a penguin.
Super job stifling that yawn, Pete. Really. Way to go undetected with your boredom there.

Super job stifling that yawn, Pete. Really. Way to go undetected with your boredom there.

"Could you please throw away that wad of old newspaper rubber bands on a string?"
"This is my pet. You can’t take my pet. This is my PET OCTOPUS I LOVE HIM HE IS MINE HE IS MIIIIIIIINE."
Parenting is awesome.

"Could you please throw away that wad of old newspaper rubber bands on a string?"

"This is my pet. You can’t take my pet. This is my PET OCTOPUS I LOVE HIM HE IS MINE HE IS MIIIIIIIINE."

Parenting is awesome.

Shawna knew a few girls who had sent themselves a bouquet of flowers before, just to perk themselves up and keep everyone at the office guessing.
She liked to go a step further and send herself double bouquets: one each from competing suitors she had invented — a father/son pair vying for her affection, each with a distinct and deviant set of preferences, both determined to make her the sole heiress of their family fortune and enlist her help in a dastardly plot to murder the other. What no one saw coming was that she was about to kill one off and introduce a third character, the secret twin brother, a dashing mute who would stop at nothing to win her soul.

She works in finance. No one suspects a thing. 

Shawna knew a few girls who had sent themselves a bouquet of flowers before, just to perk themselves up and keep everyone at the office guessing.

She liked to go a step further and send herself double bouquets: one each from competing suitors she had invented — a father/son pair vying for her affection, each with a distinct and deviant set of preferences, both determined to make her the sole heiress of their family fortune and enlist her help in a dastardly plot to murder the other. What no one saw coming was that she was about to kill one off and introduce a third character, the secret twin brother, a dashing mute who would stop at nothing to win her soul.

She works in finance. No one suspects a thing. 

"Ohh, looks like you’re going to have to stop telling that story now. I’m fresh out. Maybe next time, though."
And that’s why Harold carried around a folded up paper bag with “FUCKS” written on it.

"Ohh, looks like you’re going to have to stop telling that story now. I’m fresh out. Maybe next time, though."

And that’s why Harold carried around a folded up paper bag with “FUCKS” written on it.

1andonlymikus:

viewparadise:

mayeko:

Socially awkward penguin in action.

It just swims away in abject horror. SHIT SHIT SHIT I FUCKED IT UP SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING

I’M SORRY I’M SORRY i’m sorry… *fades*

(See, my penguins aren’t the ONLY ones who act a fool.) 

1andonlymikus:

viewparadise:

mayeko:

Socially awkward penguin in action.

It just swims away in abject horror. SHIT SHIT SHIT I FUCKED IT UP SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING

I’M SORRY I’M SORRY i’m sorry… *fades*

(See, my penguins aren’t the ONLY ones who act a fool.) 

(Source: cineraria, via bookoisseur)

When Betsy gets bronchitis, she doesn’t let it get her down. She just takes a hefty dose of NyQuil and keeps on going. And that’s how she ends up making solid decisions like logging into her work email and writing to her boss to request business cards with the title, Badass Mofo, Esq.

When Betsy gets bronchitis, she doesn’t let it get her down. She just takes a hefty dose of NyQuil and keeps on going. And that’s how she ends up making solid decisions like logging into her work email and writing to her boss to request business cards with the title, Badass Mofo, Esq.

Reading back over childhood journals, Rae was struck by three recurring themes: 1. Detailed attention to (bordering on obsession with) the outfit choices of self and others 2. A plaintive longing for more occasions involving cake 3. An intense desire to compete in the Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right
One — OK, at least two — of those still rings true.

Reading back over childhood journals, Rae was struck by three recurring themes:
1. Detailed attention to (bordering on obsession with) the outfit choices of self and others
2. A plaintive longing for more occasions involving cake
3. An intense desire to compete in the Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right

One — OK, at least two — of those still rings true.

Used to be, Penny had to lick the entire tray of muffins to claim them all for herself. Nowadays, all she has to do is shout “GLUTEN!” and everyone scatters.

Used to be, Penny had to lick the entire tray of muffins to claim them all for herself. Nowadays, all she has to do is shout “GLUTEN!” and everyone scatters.

nprbooks:

LOOK AT THESE ADORABLE PENGUINS IN SWEATERS. Doesn’t that one second from left have some style?
(h/t to The Book Maven for the link, and for a new reason to make Random Penguin jokes)

Someone once asked me - over a few margaritas - if The Random Penguins would ever end up as a movie. “A movie?” I said, “with live penguins? That would never work.”
All of a sudden, I can see it. And here’s our cast.

nprbooks:

LOOK AT THESE ADORABLE PENGUINS IN SWEATERS. Doesn’t that one second from left have some style?

(h/t to The Book Maven for the link, and for a new reason to make Random Penguin jokes)

Someone once asked me - over a few margaritas - if The Random Penguins would ever end up as a movie. “A movie?” I said, “with live penguins? That would never work.”

All of a sudden, I can see it. And here’s our cast.

Everyone has their talents. Stacie’s is that she can make a near-perfect unicorn shadow on the wall.

Everyone has their talents. Stacie’s is that she can make a near-perfect unicorn shadow on the wall.